2.23pm

lots lots of stuff. me and dar dar are doing great. im loving her more than anything each passing day. but.. have you guys have this feeling that.. the person you love may just disappear one day due to your own mistakes or theirs? i just don't want to lose her. her place in my heart is forever there. Now im telling you things that i hate doing but i ended up doing it also.. Dear.. i hope you understand.

but then.. as i think back in the past... i have done many things to make her cry. i lost many people's trust.. just by choosing the wrong path.. now im worried that the past might be brought back to the present and people will start to lose trust in me again. well. i really am grateful that she gave me another chance after that incident. I have vowed never to such things again. I love too much to even make her sad or angry. Though we both know that we sometime get frustrated very easily and might end up in a fight.. but i always remember.. small scale argue like this may turn into a large scale battle. thats why i always hold myself back to prevent such things from happening as.. minor quarrels usually break out into arguments then hatred for each other then in the end.. all is lost. i love her so much. At times we may fight.. but i will try my best to give in and surrender to her regardless whether or not its my fault. If both parties isn't willing to give in.. no one will and you lose more than our own ego. You will lose the person that you been loving.i can't help but talk to her in a bad way. Thats when im really frustrated. im sorry dear. if i made you angry or sad when i talked to you like that.. i cant control sometimes

Whenever you want something.. you really want it right? but sometimes.. you just don't get it. what would you feel if someone else gets what you always want.. others are able to get it. but you.. YOU.. you didn't get it.. but anyway. i will try my best not to force. its up to the person. i rather have the person do it at her own will and not for sympathy or fear of getting scolded. You don't have the rights to demand it. Its just up to the person to do it. I guess im sometimes very demanding. If i dont get what i want.. i tend to get frustrated and.. angry. i hate it when im like this. i tend to realise it after some time. im trying my best not to feel like that.. i hate it. i will end up having a fight with her. hais... but i cant help it some times. i tried my best. Its a free world zaki.. they can do as they please.. if you dont get what you want.. wait for the right time.. you will get it soon.. if you are patient.


Jealousy is one thing everyone feels if their loved ones are so into someone. You always want that person to only notice you. You always seek their affections. i mean.. ALWAYS. you will feel weird if they did one of those to others and i will end up thinking the wrong things.. bad things..
I tried my best not to feel that way. cause.. other may need her too. I managed to do so by just ignoring the matter and played this phrase in my mind.. "She loves me, I love her. Who cares. She's mine" But sometimes you can't help but think of the bad. im constantly reminding myself.. that phrase "She loves me, I love her. Who cares. She's mine" i tend to forget this at times. but i really try my best. whats there to fear.. you are mine! you wont leave me.. i trust you with my life. but why am i still feeling this way? you are crazy zaki.. you really are. she may be yours but you dont have the right to control her life.

One more thing. Have you guys who are in a relationship ever thought of this.. "Am i really worthy for her? She really picked the right decision of choosing me?" well i did. Looking back in the past.. i can tell you.. im really not worthy for my dar dar now. she would be better off with some other guy. but ever since THAT day. the special moment.. i promised myself that i will prove myself worthy for her love. and will forever try to prove it. but i know now for sure.. that she really does love me.. well.. she made me love her alot. she made me feel special. thats why i really love her alot. and i know you do.. and i need to really get it in my brain..

well dar dar.. i poured out my heart in this post. if you were to stumble on to my blog one day.. yeah.. whenever you realise im in a bad mood.. its probably because im thinking about one of these.. haha. so yeah. These are the bad things that i really hate doing but im doing it. But i can bet you that there are more good things then these bad things.. i love you dear.. i dont wanna lose you. cause i really love you deeply. All of them are my problems. and only I can solve it. So its not your fault all these problems arise. its just my stupid brain. Malfunctioning.. It takes time for these things to be gone.. so dear.. i hope you understand. and its not your fault. Im just telling you all these so you know. Besides these things.. you are perfect to me. God i feel so terrible now.. its not easy to say all those things you hate doing but in fact you ARE doing it. i can't seem to change and adapt. hais.. i love you dear. you know it..


We've been through good and bad times.
The feeling of doubt no longer lingers around.
We've gone through so much.
Together you and me.
Just you and me
Just you and me.

Please take away, this sorrow i feel, now.
Please take away, all the sins i've done.
Cause i don't ever want it to stay.
Cause there's nothing in this world that could take you away from me.

This is just a song i wrote. Just for my dear. Haven't finish it though.